Being from southern California myself, I wrote these little tidbits of advice a little while ago for those who plan to move to Texas, more specific Central Texas. This is all tongue in cheek and not meant to be serious or insulting.
•Texans – The best part of this state are the people. Texans are a proud people and are the epitome of Southern Hospitality, very welcoming and inclusive. They wave at you when you drive by and are friendly as can be. This can be a little off putting if you are from Los Angeles where people driving by does not solicit the same response. Like me, you will get used to it quickly and hopefully start to emulate this behavior in your normal routine. One observation, they are not as impressed you are from California as you are. In fact, they seem to have disdain for pretty much any state that is not Texas. Your kids will say two pledges of allegiance in school, one for the US and one for Texas. If they are like my sons they will eventually have a “Come and take It” flag hanging in their room or flying from their truck. They will learn more about the history of this state than the history of this country, or their own history for that matter. They will also think that historic places, like the Alamo, are a pretty big deal and in turn so will you.
◦Frontage Roads – Learn how to use them or you will drive miles out of the way, making multiple u-turns, using multiple four letter words..
◦“The” Freeways or Highways – I still don’t know what they call them here, freeways or highways, but one way to quickly identify a Californian is the use of “The” preceding a freeway number. “The 183” or “The 35” will quickly get you a smirk from a Texan. However, I refuse to say otherwise.
◦Road Names – Yeah I don’t get how they pronounce some of them but when in Rome. For example, Manchaca and Guadalupe, I will never reconcile this and will continue to scrutinize it. Also FM means Farm to Market and RM means Ranch to Market which has no bearing on anything you do but an interesting fact nonetheless.
•Blue Laws – Coming from the “Godless” west coast, I never heard of a Blue Law before but apparently they exist here in Texas.
◦You will not find vodka, rum or any other liquor in a grocery store or Walgreens. You will also not find milk and bread in a liquor store. You cannot buy liquor on Sundays or beer and wine prior to noon on Sundays. I tried to do all the above with futility. On Sunday you better have stocked up the Saturday before or you will be calling your friends to bring their own liquor for your special Superbowl trash can punch.
◦Also the car dealerships are closed on Sundays. I have not figured out why this is.
•Fire Ants – These are evil, mean, little spawns from hell and you WILL get stung, it is inevitable. Yes I said stung not bitten and that is why they are called Fire Ants because their sting burns like a hot poker. Know what their mounds look like and where these little bastards prefer to set up shop. The good thing is they are not hard to spot, especially after a good rain. They are not the only ants that bite/sting in Texas just the ones with the worst attitude.
•Mexican Food – There is no getting around it, the Mexican food is not the same here and at first you will be disappointed. With that said, once you accept the differences you will start to enjoy the food here and ridicule California for not having migas or breakfast tacos, when you visit there. Here are some points for you:
◦Queso – In California this is just shredded cheese but here in Texas it is a conglomeration of melted Velveeta, jalapenos, pico de gallo, chili and just about anything else they desire to put in it. It is used as a dip, a sauce and an ingredient, a rub, a cure for psoriasis and can be found in just about everything. Texans are connoisseurs of good queso and many restaurants are judged by the quality of this dip (Actually Velveeta is only used at the cheap places)
◦Breakfast Tacos – This is a simple concept, not much different than a breakfast burrito except its a taco. Breakfast burritos are not in abundance here and do not attempt to convince a restaurant to make you one thinking they are not a far stretch from breakfast tacos. You will be met with annoyance and maybe more than you bargained for in your food, believe me I tried. Learn to love the breakfast taco because it is fantastic!
◦Migas – This is a scrambled egg dish I like better than machaca but my dream would be a fusion of both.
◦Fish Tacos – They are typically grilled using Tilapia but you can find some fried catfish tacos too. It’s hit or miss to find a good, fried fish taco if you are used to getting them in SD or Baja.
◦Attention San Diegans – There are no Robertos, Albertos or any other “ertos” here to get carne asada burritos or rolled tacos(Taquitos) at 2:00 AM. Good luck finding one rolled taco within a 100 miles from here. Their idea of carne asada is fajitas .It’s not the same but not bad either. Don’t fret, go to Michoacan Market and get their fajita meat for the grill, chop it up and put it in a taco or burrito and you will quickly be converted.
◦Attention Angelinos – No Super Burrito Deluxes from El Tarasco or El Gringos will ever be found here or even a variation of it. Just let that one go.
◦Attention NoCals – Do you even have Mexican food north of Point Conception? There are Taco Bells here so you should be fine. 🙂
•Whataburger – This place is a state icon and the Texans seem to embrace it almost as much as the Alamo. A quick way to get into a heated debate with the the locals is to state that In-N-Out is better than Whataburger. That never seems to end well either so try to avoid making such declarations in public. We do have an In-N-Out here in Cedar Park and it tastes the same as California. I myself have converted to the Double Whataburger with jalapenos. Try Mighty Fine too.
•HEB – Probably the best supermarket I have ever been to and another Texas business icon. Don’t call it “heb”.
•High School Football – All the hype is true, it is like a religion here. I have attended more high school football games in my 13 years in Texas than my 37 years in California and I was on my high school football team. I have two boys and our lives revolve around their school and this game. Know the difference between 4a, 5a, and 6a schools and the head coach of your kid’s high school so at tailgate parties you can sound informed. Yes, they tailgate at highschool games here in the stadium parking lots. Make it out to a game on Friday night, preferably a CPHS Timberwolf game, and enjoy the splendor for all it is. (Actually you can replace football with band, cheer or any other endeavor and Texans will make it big and tailgate for it)
•Yes Ma’am and Yes Sir – I will get mixed responses on this. We are in the South and, in general, it is a reflection of your parenting if your children do or do not answer adults with a ”Yes/No Ma’am” or a “Yes/No Sir”. Even though it is an expectation here, people will still compliment you on your children’s good manners although they may act like crazed animals when alone with you.
•Cedar Fever – This essence of evil takes flight to afflict the innocent around mid January through February. If you are one of those who states they don’t get allergies and never will, well the cedar trees will respond with, “Hold my beer”. Yeah, allergies in the middle of winter is a strange and horrible occurrence and there is no avoiding it so make sure you ask Santa for plenty of Claritin and Benadryl for Christmas. You’ll need it.
* The Weather – It’s hot and in the winter, its less hot.
•BBQ – People take great pride in their BBQ here and will wake up in the early mornings to spend hours cooking it to perfection. Know the difference between grilling and BBQ and what a pit is. Don’t ever handle another man’s pit without asking. Smoked brisket is the measuring stick by all things BBQ here. Learn what a smoke ring should look like and act impressed when someone shows you theirs even if you are clueless. Don’t attempt to bring up Tri-Tip comparisons because you will get feigned interest from someone who is trying to be nice but really does not know what the hell a Tri-Tip is, nor cares. I heard you can pick up a Tri-Tip at Costco but that was from a friend of a friend. Also know that BBQ sauce is a condiment for the table, not a glaze or rub for cooking.
•Y’all – Don’t fight it, you will succumb to it eventually. I will quote a friend of mine who transplanted here from New Jersey, “It rolls off the tongue like butter”. Drop the “You guys” and embrace the “Y’all”. You don’t have to be “Fixin” or “Hollerin” but definitely indulge in the decadence of this word dessert.
In conclusion, the most important advice I can give you is to become a Texan and don’t stay a Californian. Some of the most die hard Texans weren’t born here. Do this and you will enjoy all this state and the people have to offer. Welcome to Texas, Y’all!