It is Christmas season. Well Advent starts next Sunday but lets not quibble over details.
Henceforth I will be:
- Making Merriment everywhere I go
- Risking my life trying to Griswold my house, at the chagrin of my wife. Yes Griswold is now a verb.
- Watching Christmas cartoons created in the 60s while my children roll their eyes and talk about how they would tell intolerant Santa and the rest of the asshole reindeer to take a flying leap if they asked them to lead his sleigh team.
- Wearing goofy ties and any other obnoxious clothing at the embarrassment of my wife and sons.
- Watching Christmas movies repeatedly and eitherlaughing my ass off at the shitter being full or blubbering like a baby because George Bailey is the richest man in town.
- Listening to Christmas music ad nauseum and wondering what the hell Auld Lang Syne means. I still don’t know
- Drinking eggnog to excess, although any other time of the year if you offered me an alcoholic, egg white drink with a cinnamon stick, I would throat punch you.
- Gaining 5 lbs, eating every confectionary delicacy left on any counter I come across regardless of where that counter is,including public places.
- Realizing that every gift exchange with friends has been reduced to giving bottles of alcohol and the sad part is that we are truly happy and grateful because we were running low. What does that say about the group I run with?
- Driving through the neighborhoods enjoying the glorious light displays with the family, secretly getting triggered because the guy over there was able to get a live nativity scene, donkeys and all, on top of his roof and I did not think of it first.
- Secretly cursing the people at Chinati Court because there is now traffic on Sun Chase at 9:00 pm daily. Actually, Chinati court is amazing and I am jealous my cul-de-sac is not that cool.
- Avoiding physical shopping at all costs, but realizing that is a futile expectation. I find I must traverse the mall to buy someone a scorpion lollipop and a “Come and Take it” flag from the Texas store. The worst of it, is sitting in those torture devices they call massage chairs, holding my wife’s purse while she shops.
- Laughing at the people on Nextdoor bitching about their neighbor’s light display being on 24/7 then realizing I am that neighbor.
- Enjoying my family and friends as we celebrate the birth of Hope for all mankind.
Spread the love